THIS JUST IN! PLAYBOY INTERVIEWS THE FAMOUS TING TANG TONY, AND ROD STICK!!!
***Disclaimer: this mock interview is a work of complete fiction. It in no way represents playboy or any of its affiliates and has been created for promotional entertainment.***
June 2014 issue of Playboy magazine featuring an exclusive interview with Ting Tang Tony, Tony DiMarco
Playboy: Well, Tony, we are happy to have you here and meet the man behind infamous dick. Although, I must admit you are a whole lot of man without much to hide behind … you stand out with your good looks, and height. What are you, about 6’4”?
Tony: laughs. I’m 6’5” actually. And, I’m happy to be here today, Ashley. Even with dick jokes abound.
Playboy: I see you brought—a friend? Does this mean we can let our readers and your fans know that you are officially off the market?
Tony: Laughs again and throws his arm around a dapper, grey-haired gentleman to his left. This handsome, son-of-a-bitch? Nah, he is my best friend though. You all know him as Rod Stick. He couldn’t pass up a trip behind the closed doors here at Playboy. He pats Rod’s back. Yup, he and I are just a bunch of lonely, single old men. He smirks over at his friend.
Rod: Speak for yourself. He snorts. I may be single but I am—sure as hell—never lonely.
Playboy: I laugh at both of them and their playful demeanor. Moving on. Tony, you have a big milestone for your adult film career coming soon, the 20th anniversary of your introductory film, Ting Tang Tony: And the Tale of the Little Erection That Could. Quite an accomplishment for a man of your … traits.
Tony: Yes, quite, I assume … considering all things. But that also means that I just know how to get the job done in many creative ways. He winks, and wags his brows.
Playboy: Blushing, I conceal a knowing giggle. Care to share how you got into the business?
Tony: Oh, you know, it just happens. Things led to one thing, and then another—I was young, the money was good. Not much to tell. He runs a hand across his buzzed head.
Rod: Looks at Tony, then me, and clears his throat. Oh yeah, the money is really good. Especially when you get your own title films or series.
Playboy: Right. Tony, you’ve starred in many but also seem to cameo quite a bit. You are brought in for shock and awe?
Tony: In the beginning and yes, some still, but I’m known for other things now as well. I have my talents.
Rod: Makes rude gestures with his hands in a “V” over his mouth.
Tony: Slaps Rod in the mouth. Surely you’ve done your research and watched some of my films. I don’t ever have an unsatisfied female co-star. I take pride in my craft—in my art. Something other people I know don’t put as much stock in. He jabs Rod in the ribs.
Playboy: Well, I think everyone knows about the famous Tony tongue. I believe Barbara did an interview a while back with us, and she spoke—no—raved about it. I suppose when you have a legend like that bragging about it, it must be something special. I fan myself. I think it’s getting hot in here.
Tony: Laughs and shifts in his seat, looking smug.
Playboy: So back to your work … Pride. Huh? Not something that usually goes hand in hand when you think about your profession. Any plans for the future—for after your glow in the ‘red lights’ fade?
Tony: I have plenty. Actually Rod and I are getting ready to leave for Florida for a shoot. It’s a 4th of July themed film titled: Out With a Bang. It should be great. Barbara Booberella, Rod, myself, Ric Gasher and Levi Johnson are featured. Plus, I have a few private business ventures in the works. I don’t foresee myself ever not being in this business. It’s become my life, and my family. All my friends are in this world and once you are here there’s not much room for you on the outside. The adult industry is like that bad tattoo you got in Mexico. It never goes away and you’re at least glad you got it someplace where people will only see it if you’re naked—not something to share with your grandkids. I’m not ashamed about what I’ve done, or who I’ve done. I live with no regrets and take care of me and mine.
Playboy: ‘Me and mine.’ Does that mean, there’s a ‘someone’ in your life?
Tony: No, not like … that. As I said, I’m single.
Playboy: Hmm … Interesting. Well, that sounds like a good plan. Speaking of tattoos … And Mexico … Do you?
Tony: Of course, who doesn’t love a good margarita in the sand?
Playboy: So where is it?
Tony: Mexico? Hmm, well, you could get there driving south for a little over 2 hours or so depending on traffic. He smiles.
Playboy: Right, and the tattoo?
Tony: Tattoo? You were talking about Mexico. The corner of his mouth turns up.
Playboy: Yes, and tattoos.
Playboy: Ting Tang Tony …
Playboy: That’s an interesting one.
Tony: Well, you know. He shrugs
Playboy: Ok, let’s wrap up with one final question: if you had to buy lingerie for a partner what would you buy?
Rod: Well, I can tell you it wouldn’t be latex inspired. Makes a crack the whip sound.
Playboy: Oh, no?
Tony: I do occasionally enjoy the whip and tickle. But, I’d have to say the thought of a woman in one of my tee shirts, completely comfortable with herself and me, is really hot. Besides, I’d just be taking it off anyway, and what’s underneath is sexier than any lingerie. Grins.
Playboy: Oh, and you are a sweetheart to boot.
Tony: I’m just being honest.
Playboy: And I just made the big guy blush. You will make one special lady very happy someday, Tony. I know that for sure. That’s it, my work is done. We can’t wait to see Out With a Bang, the special edition Ting Tang Tony: And the Tale of the Little Erection That Could, and see what else is in store for you, Ting Tang Tony. Thank you for taking the time with us today.
Tony: Thank you for having me, and letting this guy tag along. He slaps Rod’s arm.
Rod: Hey, someone had to liven the party up. Thank you, Ashley, and you playboy. Now, where do they hide the Bunnies in the corsets? The guys laugh and continue their banter as they get up to leave.